Part 5: Chapter 2 – Day 3: I Give You My All

Welcome to Day 3 of Part 5‘s Chapter 2 of Arise and Shine. Today, Anna is bringing forward the third free will offering of purple thread (royal compassion)

When we walk through the aftermath of loss and trauma, we often feel the weight of our broken humanity so much more. Rather than listen to God’s still, sweet voice, it can feel safer to hold onto the accusations we hear inside of us.

When the LORD began to call me to share the Words and visions I saw with a family I had been praying for, I struggled. What if these were just figments of my imagination? What if they gave them false hope or upset them? I could hear the enemy breathing down my neck: “God would never call someone like you to intercede for others in prayer. He would never give someone like you these kind of Words and visions.”

Then, a leader I deeply respected, most likely trying to protect me in my fears, affirmed the very accusations I was already hearing, when I asked for advice. And so a tug of war ensued. Until finally, I cried out in frustrated anger.

I told God enough was enough. Either I was going to zip my lips, or God had better show me that it was indeed He, who had called me to speak His Word into this family’s situation.

Moments later, three separate affirmations arrived. But the most amazing affirmation of all was what unfolded with a stranger, mere minutes after my prayer. I was standing at a train station minding my own business, when a man approached me. He asked to borrow my phone to call his brother to let him know he’d be late. I was frightened by his dishevelled exterior, but didn’t want to be rude, so I offered to call his brother for him and tell him.

After doing so, the man thanked me profusely and suddenly began to share parts of his life story. He started by sharing his full (Hebrew) name and his Christian upbringing. And went on to share of the incredible suffering his parents walked through and their inability to love him as he needed to be loved. He then shared about his struggle to believe and to be freed from his addictions.

I listened intently, praying for God to fill me with the wisdom I lacked. I longed to help this man see how much God still loved him and yearned to comfort him and bring him healing. It’s then, as we sat together on the train, that the Holy Spirit prompted me to openly share about the trauma I had walked through as a little girl and how God was leading me to a place of healing and forgiveness.

The Holy Spirit also provided a question to ask the man. It is this question that visibly moved the man. He kept repeating it and working through its implications. Suddenly, I saw compassion enter the man’s eyes as he spoke of his parents, rather than the hurt and bitterness that had been there moments earlier. The Lord was so clearly working in his heart.

I sat there beside him on the train, amazed. If it was not for the Lord’s promptings I would never have gone near this man. He stunk of alcohol and his dishevelled appearance both frightened and revolted me. But God was not put off by my fears or my fleshly judgement. He pressed until I responded in grace and love as He wanted me to.

After this experience I knew. I knew that even in my broken, newly returned Prodigal state, God was calling me to intercede and speak encouragement into others’ lives. It’s then I knew the Scriptures and visions of Bible stories I was receiving in prayer were gifts from God, not given to hoard, but share.

Oh there have still been moments since then, that I have turned to hide and dim my light. But my God has been so faithful to return me to Himself and to remind me that His power is perfected in weakness. He has lifted me back out of the mire to set my feet upon the Rock and to shine the light He’s given me, brightly, in the places He has set me apart to make His glory known. He has bowed my knees before Him – my King of Kings and LORD of Lords, as my lips have cried out: “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!”

A Sea of Mercy

I look behind me
And see the train
Of Your robe
Billowing royal.

Every surface covering
A flowing
Sea of purple
Mine.

And I weep
Broken
In Your mercy.

Broken
By a King
Who bore the Cross
For me.

Broken
By the Son of Man
Who would call
A woman weak and frail
His own.

Who am I
But dust?
Who am I
But caged
To fear, pain
And shame?

And yet
I hear Your Voice
Resound before me
Calling
Come!

It's then I find
I AM stepping
Where even angels
Fear to tread.

It's then
In my weakness
I watch You
In power rise.

I watch You
Snap my fear
And shame
In two.

The accusations
Of condemnation
No more claim
Can lay.

For, clothed
In royal thread
I see my King's face
Reflected in my own.

For, it's no longer
I who live
But Christ who lives
In me.

I bow
Before my
King of Kings.

And with my heart
And tongue
Confess Him now
As Lord of all.

Holy, holy, holy
Is the LORD God
Almighty!

Before, behind
Above, below
All around
His Temple

I see the train
Of my King's robe
Billowing purple.

Every surface covering
A flowing
Sea of mercy ours

Christ alone.

As I learn to sow unto the Spirit and not the flesh, my God is using my very weakness to glorify Himself. Precisely because my prefrontal cortex is not functioning as it should, in the wake of trauma, I am being compelled to immediately respond to the impulses coursing through my body. And the more Jesus – the living and abiding Word of God – is growing in me, the more those impulses are becoming Holy Spirit-led, awakening a holy and royal courage and compassion in me.

As my God cries: “I Give You My All”, I hear my own heart crying: “I give You my all too.” as I watch Him exchange my weakness and need for His perfect love and provision.

Thank You, Jesus, that You call the foolish of this world to shame the wise. Thank You that You call the weak of this world to confound the strong. Thank You that You call us, Your broken open vessels, to shine Your love brightly into the lives of those around us.

Father God, thank You that You are filling us with Your holy courage to shine the light of Your love, where You call us to. Thank You that You are lifting the accusations of the enemy against us and those You are calling us to love. Thank You that as we look into the mirror, we can see Jesus there and that as we look into the eyes of those You set before us, we can see Jesus there too.

Thank You that You are melting away our insecurities and fears in the truth of Your holy love for both us and for those you are calling us to bless. A love You expressed by pouring out the judgement each one of us deserved upon Your very own Son, so that we could be freed from our sin and shame, to run with joy into Your abundant life. Thank You, Father, for Your incredible sacrificial love, a royal compassion like no other.

Forgive us for the moments we have followed after the impulses of the enemy. Thank You that You are not ashamed of us in our weakness and need, but that You are growing us up in Your Word to follow after Your Voice alone. Thank You that You are persuading us to put our faith in Your Name above all else.

Thank You that when our hearts condemn us, You, our God are greater than our heart and know all things. Thank You that we can believe in the name of Jesus Christ and that in Him our hearts cannot condemn us because in Him we have confidence before You. And in Him whatsoever we ask, we shall receive of Him, because in Him, we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.

Thank You that You are causing us to tremble in awe of who You are and no longer in fear of the enemy. Thank You that You are awakening us in the light of Your loving countenance. Thank You that You are clothing us in Your royal and holy compassion. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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