Worthy of Rest

Do you too find worship songs sometimes capturing exactly your delight in the LORD, your heart of praise in that moment? That’s what happened again as Hillsong’s “I need You, Lord” began playing:

I had heard it before, but now it more deeply expressed what I longed to, before the LORD. There was a time the world had “fallen silent” (as this song expresses) for me too. Through extreme triggers of trauma and deep grief, I felt so alone in this world. Those I tried to reach out to, to share my heart with, let me know through their responses or their lack of response that they were uncomfortable and/or ill equipped to go there with me.

But in that “silent” place, I found the One in whom my soul truly delights and finds its rest: Jesus. He met me there in that loneliness and emptiness with His deep understanding, His incredible compassion and His breakthrough freedom for me.

His Word to me – a foundation of love and truth and grace – caught me and lifted me up out of the pit of the enemy’s cruel accusations. Jesus, the Living Word of God, carried me into the light, where my eyes opened to see things rightly. He renewed His right Spirit in me, helping me to heed His Voice and not the enemy’s, as I layed down the burdens that were never mine to carry.

At the time of my overwhelming grief and despair, I saw those around me – my friends and my local church – as having failed me in their silence and unhelpful responses. Now, I see things differently. I see that we weren’t ever created to lean on people, expecting them to save us – but upon Jesus, our true Savior.

Likewise, we are not created to be each other’s Savior. For, just as only God can meet us in the depths of our own despair, so only God can meet our loved ones there. Only He can truly understand what we or our loved ones are walking through and what we need most. It’s when we try to be that Savior for each other, that we can cause more harm than good – to others and also to our own health and immediate family.

Yes, we are called to be there for each other and we still can be, where the Spirit of God prompts us to – through practical acts of love (e.g. cards, gifts, bringing baking or dinner etc.), in building each other up in Jesus and His Word to us and by praying for each other in the Spirit. We can lean into Christ’s Presence (of love and truth and grace) in each other.

But where we or others expect one another (like I did my family, friends and church family) to pull us out of the pit, God will lay down His firm but pleasant boundaries. It’s then He will often purposefully allow all human support around us to crumble, so that His secure foundation can rise up to defend us, as He lifts us up into the light of His Word, bathing us in His love, truth and grace.

My heart condition has been such a blessing in disguise in all of this. It’s slowing me down and alerting me to when I or others are expecting things of me I cannot give because I was not created to give these things. It’s also destroying my pedestal of pride, humbling and rooting me in the freeing love and care of my Savior.

I am continually moved to tears to realize that I am worthy of rest. I am learning to receive God’s delight in me laying at His feet, just as I once delighted in our cat Coco laying at my feet

Yes, I will, as that Hillsong song expresses so well: “Remember love, Remember mercy”. For, I will never ever forget “Christ before me, Christ behind me” because His “lovingkindnesss has never failed me” for “when the world [fell] quiet [He stood] beside me. [He gave] me a song in the night. Beauty for ashes, [He found] the weak and contrite heart [in me], shoulder[ed] its burdens” and “carr[ied] it into the light.” May Jesus Christ, our Rock and shelter, meet you too today, wherever you find yourself, and may you too testify with me to His loving and living kindness that has never failed you too:

2 Comments

  1. Oh amen! Thank you for this good word, dear Anna. He keeps teaching me more and more to trust Him in this place of prayer too. Only Jesus. I need Him so much, and I am so thankful that He causes me to rest to find His embrace right there. Even today, His embrace came thru a kind technician at my bone density scan. He knows we need His help so much! Blessings and hugs across the sea for you today.

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    1. Hugs! So thankful for that kind technician. He is with us, wherever we go. Thank You, Jesus. So thankful for your humble example of learning to walk in step with the Spirit of God. You always bless me in your open and honest sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

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