God’s Uncovering of His Pure Desires in Us

In what way have you noticed God is #healing your heart and body (His Body) and transforming the way you serve and speak to/with others. Are you noticing how God is uncovering His pure desires in you also. Can you see the way He is moving you and #sanctifying you to #serve #wholeheartedly in His #strength and to #speak the Words He gives you, rather than serving from your own failing strength and speaking from your own incomplete #understanding?

I found the Enneagram tool useful, when I first discovered it, but backed away from it, when I noticed my fleshly desires (selfish ambition and pride) were enticing me to turn it into a legalistic framework. I began focusing too much on the knowledge it imparted to me (revelling in my analysis of myself and others) and stopped turning to the discernment God gives us to apply knowledge in helpful ways (through His Word and the promptings of the Holy Spirit He has gifted us to guide us and teach us).

But what I loved about @bethanyboring’s approach in her coaching of me was that she encouraged me to receive the Enneagram as God’s loving #discipline – His sanctification to grow me in every number to better reflect His whole heart into the world. She encouraged me to invite God to perfect His power in my weakness.

So, in my case I have been inviting God to restore my heart- my ability to feel the #pure emotions coursing through my body – a Temple of the Holy Spirit – and to let them #empower me, through His Spirit, to lean into His power for me, rather than to shut them down to “be a good girl” (and hurt myself and/or others in the process).

I am a 2 on the Enneagram, unusually with a 1 wing. I am now (re-)learning to serve God from my whole heart and body in the strength He gives me, as my own heart and body is giving way from exhaustion and a lack of oxygen to the heart, through the cramping of the capillaries. God’s heart for me and His Body has been taking over so much for me to bless, affirm and support me, which is in turn leading to Christ blessing, affirming and supporting others too, through me, as I share the comfort and healing He is giving me with them.

I scored almost as highly on the 4 and the 5 as the 2. They also say 2s often have a childhood wound driving them into serving others. When I was a teen I overheard my Mum say that my sisters were so good at helping practically, but that I just didn’t seem to see the help she needed. It broke my heart and I swore I would never again disappoint my Mum and went over board in trying to meet people’s practical needs.

But when she was dying, my Mama painted a picture of her three girls and talked to me about our unique gifts: I was painted in the fields sniffing flowers and my sisters climbing the hill together. It stung because I was all alone, but then my Mama said: your gift Anna is that you make people feel good, just by being with them.

I cried so much. What she didn’t see when I was that teen pouring my whole heart into loved ones, who were walking through such trauma, she saw, as she lay dying. And now God’s been inviting me to lay down my practical serving that I took on as a #wounded little girl, who idolized her mother, others and herself to pick up His pure desires being uncovered in me now afresh.

I have so often said I don’t attend or serve in a physical church because of my mental illness (CPTSD). But that’s not the whole story. God has actually repeatedly affirmed His call to me NOT to return to a local church and instead to become His hands and feet to those, like me, who have been deeply wounded and even abused in our churches, as they have sought out the love, mercy and compassion of Jesus. And in leaving the physical church, suddenly those around me have opened their hearts and lives to me like never before.

My heart condition and the all-round impact of spiritual abuse and Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (#CPTSD) on my body (and my family) has been stopping me from working as a high school teacher and from serving in other ways I am used to. And God’s command to leave and not return to local churches denying the finished work of the Cross, has also stripped away my “ministries”. Instead, God has been (re-)teaching me to just sit with people and listen to their heart, and to share my own heart with them and to spend hours and hours in prayer, Bible study and worship all alone with Him.

Often I will then be walking and praying in the forest or sitting on a bench to pray, when a stranger will begin talking to me, or God will compel me to reach out to a stranger, and we will have a deep and healing conversation with each other and then carry on, warmed by God’s love and Spirit in our midst.

Ever since God took me out of a physical church, when the #trauma triggers attacked my body incessantly, He’s been bringing the lost and hungry sheep to me and healing my own heart and body in the process, as I am finding His love so very present in me and to me, through these complete strangers and other #Prodigals, #seekers and believers He has woven me together with.

In what way have you noticed God is #healing your heart and body (His Body) and transforming the way you serve and speak to/with others. Are you noticing how God is uncovering His pure desires in you also. Can you see the way He is moving you and #sanctifying you to #serve #wholeheartedly in His #strength and to #speak the Words He gives you, rather than serving from your own failing strength and speaking from your own incomplete #understanding?

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