Keep Me Yours

About two weeks ago, I asked God for a Word He wanted me to receive that day and it was Psalm 32:7:

You are a hiding place for me;
    you preserve me from trouble;
    you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah

As I shared it with a friend and told her that “deliverance” can also mean “to calve” and “surround me” can also mean “fetch me/cause me to come” I suddenly remembered something my husband and I watched on TV. It’s a series called “Farmer Seeks a Wife”.

One of the women woke early and because she got up then, she was able to partake in the calving. She was so overwhelmed by the beauty of that moment alone with the farmer, experiencing such an amazing moment alone together. It emphasized again for me the beauty of that hiddenness God calls us into, to be set apart unto Him and to still to His birthing of the new in our midst.

And then later, I sat there and read further in A Passion for the Impossible, a book written by Miriam Huffman Rockness about the life of Lilias Trotter, and just cried and cried. I sat with the Promise God gave Lilias right before her own weary heart and others’ discouraged hearts were opened wide to receive a fresh infilling of the Holy Spirit – and to see hearts opening to Christ all around them after years of sowing without reaping:


Malachi 3:1
“See, I am going to send My messenger, and he will clear the way before Me. Then the Lord you seek will suddenly come to His temple, the Messenger of the covenant you desire—see, He is coming,” says the Lord of Hosts. 

What I found so beautiful is that this birthing of new life came as Lilias and others confessed their own weariness and need for a fresh infilling of Christ. As they set aside time to seek God and to rest and recharge away from all their activity “for Him”, God moved mightily in their hearts and suddenly simulatenously in the hearts of those around them, who were then drawn to Christ like a magnet.

I have been drawn away into that quiet place with Christ afresh this week. On Resurrection Sunday Jesus drew me to His discipline of the disciples. As He entered the locked upper room, where they were hiding out in fear, He rebuked them for their unbelief and their hardening hearts, for refusing to believe those who had reported the Good News of His resurrection to them. In this rebuke of His disciples, Jesus uncovered the hardening of my own heart, the sorrow, unbelief and discouragement that I had allowed to hide out and fester in me, tainting my heart and my vision. And so, also so deeply encouraged by the repeated humbling of Lilias before her Maker, each fresh season of her life anew, I decided to take the time to lay my heart fully bare before God.

It’s funny how simple things really are, and how easily my heart softens at God’s touch, when all I do is I just draw near to Him, when all I do is just openly confess my discouragement, my sorrow and my unbelief. Jesus responded to me so beautifully through His Word, through a movie my daughter and I watched a few weeks ago, and through my husband’s uncovering of what lay beneath the surface.

God uncovered my dented pride (ouch), my clinging to the (oh-so-much better) past and the shame I have felt of my current (humble) circumstances. And He invited me into His seeing: into His pride in me, the new life and heavenly future set before me and my intrinsic worth in Him. As I embraced God’s seeing of myself and others, I could see how the sins of pride and unbelief had been sucking the joy out of me, filling me with grief and stealing my delight in learning from, growing with and connecting to those around me. And I rejoiced in the change of mind He gifted me, as He lifted such a heavy burden off of my shoulders, overwhelming me with His tender loving kindness.

As I was sitting with what God is doing in my life and heart, I came across this old poem I penned in prayer in 2018, and I so longed to share it with you, as it still so reflects the desires of my heart. May it bless your heart also to pray this with me afresh and to linger with our precious Jesus, inviting Him to show us all the ways He has already been answering these desires that are in fact the desires of His beautiful heart for us, His lowly, gentle and servant-heart.

KEEP ME, LORD



Keep me ever weak before You

That You might be my Strength

My Cup, My Portion.



Keep me needy on my knees

That I might know You ever more

Your life, Your grace, Your love for me.



Keep me humble

Casting here my burdens

Upon the One who saves.



Keep me thankful

Remembering all You've done

And all You've promised true.



Keep me breaking

Bread from heaven falling

Not hoarding, but in partaking gift.



Keep me pouring

My heart out like water

Panting after nothing, but Living Water.



Keep me seeing

Your hand upon

Your sovereign rule and reign.



Keep me learning

My heart here open

To Your perfect leading.



Keep me safe

Within your boundaries

Not stepping there beyond.



Keep me leaning

All my weight

Upon my Lord and Savior.


That I might live

Each day, forever

In Your holy Presence.



Keep me: YOURS.

Arms Outstretched

Our youngest daughter’s Easter gift for you: the Easter cookie she baked & decorated with me.
Arms Outstretched 

Tears, He wept
Upon His Cross
For us
His Body broken
His whole
To gift
Arms stretched wide
Nails they pierced
His perfect Love
To flow.

His heart
It weeps
Even still
Even now
As we turn away
Longings, we have
Buried deep.

His tears
They fall
Even here
Even now
As our heart
Now heaves in pain
To hide and flee.

His hand
It calls
His whisper
Speaks
I know
I understand
I see
Never once
My heart
Of flesh
Has turned away.

No pain
Too deep
No shame
Too great
No sin
Too dark
My hand
And heart
From yours
Will ever tear.

Word
Made flesh
I felt
I heard
I saw
My children
Before My eyes
And wept for you.

The weary
The shunned
And striving to survive
The shamed
The grieved
And pained
I've come for
ALL of you
Your hand
To clasp and hold.

Truth
My guiding hand
My Spirit Life
Your broken all
Completed whole
I call
My arms
Your all
Embrace.

Tears
I cup
Face
I lift
Hands
I hold
The Son of God
In you
I breathe.

Perfect Pure
For striving fear
Father's arms
For pierced of heart
Lips of life
For tombed in shrouded pain
My all
Your shattered
Whole shall breathe.

Be not afraid
Hide not now
Behind those clefts
Your fears
Sin and grief
But come
Beloved, come
Just as you are.

I see
I know
I understand
Not one single piece
My Cross withheld
You're spoken free
My blood has rent
The curtain of divide
To usher you in.

Look
Turn those eyes to me
Flail as a child
Shout your
Why My Lord, Oh why?!
Be real with Me

And see Me
Come
Your broken heart
To hold
Your flailing arms and legs
Embrace
To hold you
Till your tears
Release.

Be not afraid
I've come
For you
Not just in part
But whole
Each shard of piercèd
And crying
No more!

Be
Not afraid
No heart
Numbed to stone
No hidden
Pain and fear
My hand
From you
Withholds.

Never once
Have I
My heart
Nor hand
Withheld
Open now
Your eyes
And see:

I'm standing
Here
My arms
Outstretched
For
You.
Our eldest daughter’s Easter gift for you.